Kidnapping Father Christmas: Chapter 3 – Nigerian Christmas Story, Funny, Kidnap Santa Clause, Adventure, Children and Mischief, Free Web Novel, Fabling, Pam
It was a bright, bustling school morning in Lagos, and Chukwuma and his classmates were deep in one of those classic childhood discussions: “What would you do if you had a million dollars?” Despite their tiny stature and limited life experience—after all, these were primary one children who had never lifted a finger to work—they were brimming with grand ideas.
“If I had a million dollars, I’d buy a race car and drive it vroom vroooom!” Otomokpo said, his hands mimicking a steering wheel as he zoomed around in his imagination.
“Me?” Osas piped up, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “I’d buy a whole country! I’d become the queen, and anytime my mummy or daddy beats me, I’ll just send them to prison. Then I’ll buy a helicopter and flyyyyy around the world!”
“Helicopter ni, Heloplane ko!” Malik scoffed, rolling his eyes. “After you buy a country, where will you find money for a helicopter? Me, I’d use my money to buy the sun, and if anyone wants light, they’ll have to pay me!”
Osas wasn’t backing down. “With all the money from my country, I could buy ten helicopters! The people living there will pay me rent, and I’ll be rich forever.”
“It will not more be ‘pay you.’ See this mumu like you,” Malik shot back, shaking his head. “Me, I’d use my money to buy Father Christmas. I’d command him to make plenty toys.”
“Who toy don help? Me, I’d use my money to go to heaven,” Daniel chimed in, puffing out his chest. “My daddy’s a pastor, and he said one man named Peter is the gatekeeper there. If I give him a million dollars, he’ll just let me pass, sharp sharp.”
Amidst all the chatter, Chukwuma spoke up, his voice cutting through the noise with a rare clarity. “But all of you know you don’t have a million dollars, abi?”
Finally, a voice of reason—though it wasn’t exactly welcome. “What’s your own sef? Did we say we have money?” Otomokpo retorted, clearly unimpressed.
“I’m just telling you sha,” Chukwuma replied with a shrug. “But I know how you can get everything you want.”
This piqued their interest. “How?” they asked, almost in unison. “Uhm, lie lie. Talk now!”
“Father Christmas,” Chukwuma stated, as though the answer was obvious. “My senior brother said that if you write a letter to Father Christmas and you haven’t done any bad things that year, he’ll give you everything you ask for.”
Adaeze’s eyes widened in realisation. “So that’s why he doesn’t answer me every time!”
“But I’ve done bad things this year,” Osas admitted, looking a little guilty. “My mummy said I’m a bad girl.”
“Me too,” Aboki confessed. “My mummy caught me trying to steal meat from the pot yesterday. She beat me, but after she left, I went back and finished stealing the meat.”
Chukwuma nodded sympathetically. “I know, it’s impossible to be very good. But my brother also said that if you kidnap Father Christmas, he’ll give you whatever you want so you can release him before Christmas. But you must not fail, or you’ll get plenty of charcoal instead.”
There was a moment of silence as they all processed this idea.
“How can we now kidnap a whole Father Christmas?” Aboki finally asked, his voice a mix of curiosity and disbelief.
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