Nature’s Little Mistake – Born a mistake, Free Short Stories, Slice of Life, Fabling
I was born a mistake. Wait, don’t starts talking nonsense about nobody being born a mistake or God, The Writer having a purpose for everybody. Just listen without interrupting for once in your life. So, I was born a mistake on January 9, 1981. My parents did not want me, my father rejected my mother’s pregnancy, and my mother rejected me by downing some abortion pills in her third trimester, but I was born. Oh, she hated me. She did. She left me at the hospital that night and ran away. I wouldn’t find her until 20 years had passed. But who could blame her? I was hideous.
How can a good looking man and woman breed an atrocity such as myself? For a long time, I’d wish to become handsome by some form of miracle, but God doesn’t grant wishes so I eventually accepted myself; The huge zit like bump on my forehead which was an extension of my skull, and the huge boulder on the top of my back the caused my knees to buckle. I accepted it all and the fate that came with it. I was a mistake, after all, if I had obeyed my mother and died in her womb, I would not have to suffer.
I remember living in the orphanage, we were all the same, mistakes, abandoned by our parents or society, but I felt more different than everybody, and I tried o avoid everybody as much as I could, but there was this kid, Daniel. He was a persistent one and made himself my friend, and before long, he had rubbed off on me and I’d be getting into trouble with him.
One time, we both scaled the fence of the home and went into town begging for money, we had made about a thousand Naira when the administrator, on her way to the home saw us, I guess it was the boulder on my back that drew her attention. She pulled over in her car and ragged us back by our ears. We were going to be flogged when Daniel shouted. “We had to run! Tade had a dream.”
I was as surprised as everybody. Daniel continued, “Yes, his hunched back, it’s contagious, it’s a curse!”
The administrator rolled her eyes and proceeded with the beating
“It might burst ma!” I chimed in.
She stopped.
“Ma, He is telling the truth, if it bursts and touches anybody, they or their children will look just like me!”
She said I was full of shit, but she reluctantly stopped beating us and sent us to our rooms. It was that day that I say a benefit to my deformity.
I was happy, thanks to Daniel, and the other children at the orphanage who had joined our clique of trouble makers, I finally felt like I belonged somewhere, but I still felt different. Then we turned 18 and the home let us go, out into the real, cruel world.
Daniel got into a university, but I couldn’t because my body was not the only thing that was wrong with me. My brain was a mistake, despite the extension of my big head, my skull was filled with water alone. Books refused to settle in, so I started work at the only place that hired me, a bar.
The bar hosted a comedy act every night, so it was always packed, and I took advantage of the crowd, telling them pity stories about my life and earning quite a lot in pity tips. Then one day, the comedy act for the night was cancelled, my boss became panicked and tried to find a last-minute act. I asked if I could take the stance, but he looked at me and scuffed. His exact words “Give you the podium to swindle my guests with your Nature’s little mistake story?”
His loss, I told myself and continued cleaning. And surprisingly, he came back to me, asking me to stall until the main act arrived.
“So um, my name is Tade, just Tade, I grew up in an orphanage, I’m Nature’s Little mistake, and if you know me, you know I’m about to guilt-trip you into giving me your money.” That was my opening line, the crowd loved it. “Hey, Mr. You fell for it yesterday!” I said, “You laughing there, you’ll fall for it today.”
I told them stories of mischief, mostly with Daniel and joked about my creative process.
“When God created me, she had a few extra bones and barrel of Tequilla.” It was a good night, so good that I became the show. So good that I got a manager.
Soon, I was living the life, making fun of myself and making money. Life was great, then you came along. A very annoying woman. It was that pie, the one you baked in red paper, you put too much salt in it. It was disgusting. Yuck! But it was the first time anybody gave me anything I did not guilt them out of.
You said you were my new neighbour and wanted to introduce yourself. I expected that that would be the last I’d see you. But just like Daniel, you were persistent, and I soon began to wonder who owned my apartment.
To be honest, I was happy, I had been feeling lonely despite the crowd around me and considering downing a fifth of cyanide, in fact, that was what I was looking up on the internet the day you first knocked on my door. ‘can cyanide be mistakenly consumed?’ But you felt too good to be true. Then you made me buy a lottery ticket last night and started talking about nonsense like the future and hope like you planned on being in my future, and I could no longer suppress my emotions, so I lashed out.
“What is your problem? Is this a joke to you? Why me? Aren’t their other neighbours?” I spat “Am I your charity case? Is someone paying you to be around me? Or what? Do you think that I’ll be so grateful that you are around my that I’ll start spending my money on you?”
Yes, I feel like an asshole writing down my words.
Today, when I woke up, I saw the lottery ticket you made me buy on the dressing table, I was going to throw it away, but the though hurt the hump on my back, and my chest too, so I went online to see the results. The numbers were 21 2 50 89 37. What are the odds? I got all five numbers. I won One Hundred Million Naira, but I was more sad than happy.
You are a pest.
I’m off to claim my prize money and I will be considering plastic surgery, once I get it. I can’t bring myself to say sorry in person. And this will be my first apology in my life. I was born a mistake, and before you correct me, I’m not my mistake. You once asked if I met my parents I did. And they are completely happy without me, no regrets on their part.
So, um thank you for making me feel wanted.
Tade
Nature’s Little Mistake.
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